unpredictable journal

31 March 2005

Haven't been updating about myself for a few days. So here I'm to share...

First day of work

Meeting my friend at 6.45am at JE Control Station, but she was late, and was like nearly half an hour late. I'm real frustrated, but I didn't show out my anger. Oh well, already seasoned, not the first time. Haix...

Quite a numerous of friendly colleagues, they're fun loving even though majority are aunties. Oh well, it was girls working environment.

Pretty tiring as we need to stand for 8.5hrs. Well, in between there are 3 breaks which I always looking forward to. Haha... pretty alright... same for today.

The only different was, my friend was sick and no one to meet up with. Haha... is alright. Well, I counted myself pretty lucky/clever/intelligent (Whatever I like saying myself... =p) cuz actually I'm not too sure where to alight, but still I tried my luck. And I alight at the correct bus stop man! Haha... *Bravo*

My friend sms me, saying that Brian asked her no need to go work tomorrow. What the, then I guess she didn't inform him that she was sick. Haix... Bingo! I'm right, stupid man. Like that I also cannot help her, cuz is her fault. But I still asked her try calling him up to clear up any misunderstood. Then he say asked her go back work again and hung up her call. What the... haix... I must tolerate, tolerate and tolerate. Musn't give up!!!

This whole week from Sunday, didn't practice cello at all. Everytime wanted to practice, something happened. It was just like so sickening. Haix... I'll make sure I make full use of this coming weekends...

Oh well... perhaps I shouldn't practice any more since I'm giving up soon. And well, I no longer wanted a personal cello, it means nothing to me. So saved it up and invest in Nokia 6680! Is damn chio... I'm loving it...

I'm so deadbeat! Help help help... Muhahahah...

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:30

29 March 2005

Hoho~~ Brain phoned me just now and asked if I'm free tomorrow. Haha, meeting Gina at 6.45am at JE MRT Control Station for BBF (Big Breakfast)! Then go and meet Brian at 7.30am.

Finally, I've found a part time job. Hm, just nice. My mom birthday's coming soon, on the 7th Apr. Haha, and is the day that I got my first pay too! Haha... hm... planned to treat my parents for a dinner at a near by restaurant. Yuppie!

Hm... two more days will be elder kor birthday, gonna get him a birthday card. Erm... shall I buy him a present? Doubt I've the money. Sigh... I'm so useless...

Anyway, I'll see... if my sis is willing to share. I was trying to get my mom to cook some delicious dishes for kor. Hm... ask some money from Jie and me also fork out some money for mom to buy some ingredients. Idea?

My planning for tomorrow

5.30am - Shower

6.00am - Prepare

6.15am - Out of house

6.45am - Meeting Gina at JECS

*Hopefully she won't FANG WO FEI JI... always meet me so early yet she's the one who's late. Everytime also overslept. Haix... *

7.30am - Meeting Brina

8.00am - Work

10.00am - Break

10.15am - Work

11.50am - Break

12.30pm - Work

3.00pm - Break

3.15pm - Work

5.30pm - Journey back home

7.00pm - Shower

7.30pm - Dinner

8pm - Practice cello

10pm - Wash Up

10.15pm -Sleep

Yeah that's the way man! Haix... not enough time to practice cello. Hm... wondering how am I going to survive when SYCO practices resume. Sianz... perhaps... on the day of practice, I should take cab back home. That's faster right? Haha... let's see how ba...

Going to shower le, recently just love nite shower... is so nice! So relaxing...

Haix... tomorrow gotta wake up so early sianz! Anyone cares to wake me up at 5.45am?

I hope I'll luv myself more

23:18

Yesterday guess should be a nice and happy day for me. Went out with friend for a job interview, hm... the person asked if we'd wanna work night shift, I wish but I can't. It's from 10.30pm to 7.30am and my SYCO practices ends at 9.30pm. Haix... so gotta wait for them to call us they've the normal shift.

After which, went to comic connection and buy "Love for Venus 7". Didn't buy the 8th vol cuz no money. Haha... then eat KFC with my friend, haha... full man!

After walking around the whole JP, went to IMM. Bought a lot of snacks and daily use back home. Haha... Oh yah, by right, we plan to go to the agency to look for jobs de, but closed. Sianz...

Coming back home thought could 've a rest, but Pearlyn's was like glued to me. I go where she also go where. Haha... so cute of her. But yesterday night, I really can't stand her. Leave her in the living room with my mom and went into my room. Haix... She cried so loud, my god! Who ask her made me angry.

Then don't know what's wrong with elder kor and dad. They quarrel... then I quickly packed my things in the room and go out. Sigh... recently many unpleasant things happened at home. Feeling so down... sigh, why can't each of them comment lesser?

Kinda funny of dad, kor just asked him about something and he refuse to say. Haix... keep saying another things. Then elder kor raised his voice and guess went overboard, used vulgarities to talked back to dad. And guess dad felt insulted, he started the fight!

Elder kor once fell off from the motor bike, his friend who rided the bike, passed away. And my kor sitting behind the bike was "lucky" to be alive. Mom was so afraid that kor might injure his legs and the rest of us stopped them from the fight. But me, was carrying my niece into the room and cried.

Second kor said I'm useless and I can't deny. I'm just so sad, every word they said really hurts me. I'm worry about my mom, but she was stronger than me, she didn't shed a drop of tear. Perhaps, she did but definitely not infront of us. I wish I'd be as strong as my mom but I can't.

It doesn't matter if anyone get hurts because of this fight, but definitely not mom! Mom always in the middle, stopping them. Helping her husband also wrong, helping her son also wrong. It was a difficult job for mom. If she've left with no choice but to help of them, she'll definitely help her son. Well, just trust me...

Sigh... after elder kor came back to home, things really changed tremendously. Mom was happy yet disappointed. Sigh...

No ones really care about how I feel everytime they quarrel and fight at home, except mom. She knew I cried she'd came into my room and asked me why. I tired to hide my tears yesterday night, but still she saw me crying. Well, perhaps she knows the reason why I cried. So she smiled at me and asked if I'm okay.

I don't wanna to make her worried for me, I wiped off my tears and smile back to her. She asked me to rest early then. She closed the room and my tears shedded again. Well, does anyone knows that it's a great pain to hide your tears and pretending that everything is alright?

If the presence of me was a burden to my parents, then I'd rather choose to end my life.

I hope I'll luv myself more

11:00

27 March 2005

Guess mom was damn upset, elder kor cried yesterday. Sigh... mom thinks that it was dad fault but in the real fact, it wasn't his fault.

I understand how mom's felt, she's getting weaker and weaker. Feeling so down, looking at everyone of us like this. She wanted to cry and at the same time, she wanna be strong. She thought of ending her life, but she just couldn't bear to leave us behind.

Mom told me yesterday, elder kor and second kor always caused so much problems to the family, making her so worried sick. Some times, jie too, quarreling with her husband and leaving her daughter at home. Sigh... me wise, had been quite sensible. Never ever caused her to worry but just making her angry. Wahaha... cuz I too petty le. But my mom could really leave us if elder and second kor cause no problem to home. She won't worry about me, cuz I'm independent. Haix... *feeling just so sad*

I know elder kor will think that we looked down on him, but we didn't. Hope you learnt your lesson and stop making mummy so worry about you. Breaking her heart again and again.

Sigh... woke up already yet doesn't know how to tidy up the bed. Sianz... this kind of ppl also got. *Speechless*

Just some updates

Here's something for Jo's. Nah, you may say whatever you like. I don't mean that, more often than not, you seems to mistaken my words.

I'm just speechless...

I've found two new templates... which I wonder should I get it change now... kinda lazy... still 've lotta things to do.

Today... wondering why... I slacked the whole day. And again, here's the reminder for me. Pls do not slack again! Giving myself a tight slap on the face if I ever gonna slack again.

Tomorrow going for a job "Interview". This time round, I'll definitely go. Haha... cuz really wanna work.

Sigh... elder kor was sort of selfish. Haix... he asked if I'm going out tml. And I told him yes, but he still wanna me lend him my phone (Samsung E600C). And so, I left with no choice but to use Nokia 2100... sianz 1/2. Haix... not I what, but really not use to the sms method, totally a big difference in between Nokia and Samsung!

Sianz... changing my template le... take care...

I hope I'll luv myself more

12:56

26 March 2005

Thanks for you girls advises, here a post of my own view based on the advises given to me.

Giving up now might not be a bad thing, if I going to work hards for another few years. And if it happens that I left with no choice but to give up, I might get hurt even deeper. Jo, you really 've to give a deep thought to what my mom had said, be more realistic. Can you?

Michelle, I'd even be more regret if all my efforts putting in doesn't gain me anything. If I given up now, I won't be wasting the rest of my time in working as a part-timer. But if don't, I just stay at home to practice cello everyday, yet not working any part time job. Then I really wasted a lot of time. Unless, I gain something...

My brother-in-law told me before, when you given out, you really hopes to gain something back. Isn't that true?

~Giving up is really a sooner or later matter~

I hope I'll luv myself more

03:09

25 March 2005

Well, haven't been practicing cello today. Sigh... should I thought about what my mom had just said?

Some of my "friends" might know that I wants to buy a cello. Not a very good one, but at least a personal cello that I can have. And among the few of them, guess there's only one guy who knows that I've took a long time before making such a decision. I've been thinking about lotta stuffs and always there's something that stopped me from buying it. Until the day I starts playing Bach Suites, has make me realise that is really time to buy a personal cello le.

But what mom had told me off just now really strike into my brain that I should give a thought about it.

Being an outstanding cellist is not so easy especially in such an environment. And now, my cello teacher had been nurturing out lotta students with great potentials in playing cello. So if really wanna use cello to earns money is not that easy.

Just by looking at my own schedule now, Mon, Wed, Sat and Sun also 've to go for practices. And all these, caused up a problem for me look for a part-time job for this half year. Apart from all these practices, I had to spend time practicing at home too. If I'm gonna work, guess I won't be showing any minor improvements at all.

Learning cello, is really stressful. Especially when I had such a strict and nice cello teacher. If it wasn't his presence, guess I couldn't 've such a great passion over cello. And I might even given up long ago.

Since young, I'm fond over musical instruments. Especially piano, but my parents just couldn't afford me for lesson. Erm... to date, I'm really glad that I didn't took up any piano lessons. As I always think, if you wanna be an outstanding pianist is even more tougher than being an outstanding cellist. Nowadays S'pore parents will definitely send their children's for piano lesson. And it is really hard to use this (teaching piano) to earn money. So... I'm really lucky.

Whereas in Singapore, there isn't any well-known cellist I've know before. But it's really not that easy...

I might still cope with this schedule that I've now. But schooling... how far can I go? The farthest, polytechnic? That means I'll 've 5 more years to go. After which, I really 've to go and find a permanent job to work. Will I still 've time for cello? I doubt so... and it's also time for me to give up. Unless, I've shows a brilliant results and chances for furthering my potentials. But it is only a 0.2% chance... haix...

Now... I'm very vexed. Should I give up on cello NOW. Or should I just give myself a little more time. If I should give myself a little more time, then should I still buy a personal cello for myself?

Actually even I'll 've the day of stop learning cello, also nvm having a personal cello at home. During my leisure time, I still could play it. Right?

Sigh... all I need now is lotta advises... pls help me...

I hope I'll luv myself more

17:45

Today's planning should be like this

1030hrs - Shower

1100hrs - Out of house

1130hrs - Practicing cello with juniors

1330hrs - Lunch

1400hrs - Practice resume

1500hrs - Home Sweet Home

1530hrs - Take a rest

1600hrs - Out of house for job interview

* Shopping and 've dinner

1930hrs - Attend the show invited by my friend

2000hrs - Should be at home le bah...

That's my schedule. But sigh...

Got a sms from Mic saying that PC most probably going to watch movie in the afternoon. And so the practice was cancelled.

Actually I thought the rest of us practicing together will be good. But I was so exhausted that I sleep until my mom came back home from work, 1.12pm. Shit! Like that how to practice together? Well, it's my fault! Sigh...

So sorry to Mic... cuz I read ur blog u today suppose going out with friends to 've some fun right? Haix... sometimes, I think u're better than PC. In the sense of motivation and initiative. You'll call us up to see if we're free to practice together whereas PC don't. You keep your promise when you've set your mind to practice cello. I wonder did Percie does that? Haix...

Nah, so Mic, you gotta work very hard. Your situation now is just like us (MH and me). You cannot afford to let the gap between u and pc to be wider and wider. And when will a person KAI QIAO? Is when she lose to someone who used to be lousier than her. Only when a person is KAI QIAO, she'll be motivated. And I really hopes that you're better than her, so that you'll motivate her to practice cello more and not spending such a nice holiday to watch movie and wasted the whole afternoon. Haix...

Thought that he replied back my mail, so I came online once I got up from my bed. Erm... but he haven't. Well, is okay... cuz he's working mah, can understand. Some more, the working hours so long. So no rushing for his reply.

I saw Agnes, she approached me. And she recommend me a job. Hoho~~ factory work... kinda nice... I like the working environment and everything even though the pay is kinda low. But is alright... hopefully I manage to get it.

As for the cashier job, Gina's not feeling well. So we won't be going for the interview this evening le. Haix... really wanna work in that factory. Haha...

Hm... yesterday I should be happy... cuz I've been practicing 6hrs of cello (2-5pm & 6.60-9.30pm) but just that everyone at home 's trying to piss me off.

Really wanna apologies to Mic for being so harsh when picking up the phone. Treat u ice milo next time k?

My mom, really sorry for letting you wash your bed sheet again. (The bed sheet was sticked with my flu and tears) So sorry... haix... u're indeed my greatest mummy! Haix... only you understand and you'd tell when I'm in foul mood. Haix... but I just hided myself and told you that nothing happened... cuz I don't wanna you to be angry. Well, overall, I know I'm petty.

Sob sob...

But mummy, you're kinda weird. I told you that I'm going for job interview yet you sound like disencourage me to do so. Why? Haha... must be afraid that I'm not able to cope with it bah. Well, mummy, don't worry too much... I'll be fine. I know how to plan my schedule. And this time round, if I manage to get the factory job and I got my pay. I'm going to bring you out to eat... with daddy... since you don't wanna take my money. Haha...

Loves you always... my dearest mummy!

I hope I'll luv myself more

14:21

24 March 2005

Sigh, everyone at home seems like trying to piss me off. Fucker!

First was second kor, asking me to help him upload his pic in friendster. Well, can he wait? Can't he see that I'm practicing cello? If he can't afford to wait, then don't! Pls don't give me fucking attitude.

Next was a phone call from Michelle. Haix... I was really mad at whoever picked up the phone. Can't they told her that I'm practicing cello and try calling back later? Sickening. Anyway, Mic, I'm sorry... please don't put it to heart.

Next follow by elder kor. I had been nice to him, really. If you don't believe then forget it. He wants to use my printer to photocopy some of his documents. Well just for you people information, he had been printing some documents since a few days ago. Guess today was his third continuously using the printer. And the printer ink is low...

He asked me nicely whether he can try to print his documents himself. And I told him yes, haven't showing any attitude. Then he keep asking lotta question and I answered back nicely to him too. And then he came in and asked how should he insert the paper. My god! I'm pissed off by then! Haix... he's so kiki (Hokkien) still wanna use it. Haix...

Then was dad, keep whistling and I turned to him. Keep playing with his fake teeth, shit lor, not fun at all! Haix... I had already entertained him ley... but he does it... Pissed off...

Haix... really feel like crying lor...

Haix... can everyone please give me a silent moment for me to practice cello?

I hate and detest everyone at home... esp the 3 mans!

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:21

Sigh, not sure what's the matter with second kor. Recently fall asleep infront of the tv. Having me 've to get out of my bed and switch if off for him. Sigh... he's damn sickening! Everytime will only get me being scolded by dad. *Sob*

And because of him, I'll 've to wake up so early even I didn't 've to go to school. Haix... woke up before 8am... sianz... so tiring.

Sigh... he's just so sickening... runied my dream. Well, is a very beautiful dream man! Shit sickening fellow, I hate you! Haix... so so so sickening lah!

My printer problem again, haix... also so sickening. Haix... problematic man! Gotta get it fixed soon!

Hopefully later the person will call me again, cuz me really 've no mood to go. Haix... so tired.

Should I sleep or practice cello? Is going to be 11am soon... haix...

It's really nice to write mail to each other... feeling just so good. =)

Taking a break

Went back to sleep after updating my blog in the morning. Until... my handphone rang...

Haha, just now she called and so I told her that I couldn't make it for the appointment. And she said nevermind, will call me again. Haha...

So guess was around 1.30pm that I've woke up. Hm... tidy up the room and after which went to practice cello all the way until now. Haix... hands kinda pain... oh well, gotta practice harder.

"ve been concentrating on scales and ex pieces. Haha... long time didn't practice ex pieces kinda CHI LI for my fingers... but guess was alright...

Hm... and hopefully I'll get back to practice later. If not, guess I'm gonna neglected my suites. Oh no, cannot...

Hopefully I'll self-motivate myself to practice hard for everything when he's not around. And 've a good performance when he returns...

Hm... tomorrow gonna go for an interview... hopefully sucessful... cuz dad seems like going to jobless soon... mom said de. Well, hopefully not.

All I wish to go now is to temple, just to pray for my family and everyone will be fine. Never forget my favourite hand out place, the beach... haix...

Okay that's about all...

I hope I'll luv myself more

10:36

23 March 2005

Today's jie jie birthday wanna wish her happy 28th birthday.

So sian at home, tomorrow meeting her at her house. Don't feel like going but just don't know how to reject her. Haix...

Feel like biting some tibits, but running out. Sianz... also lazy go down and buy. Haix... at home really very bored. Later see if there's any nice show at 9pm if not I'm going to practice cello again. Haix...

Sianz...

I hope I'll luv myself more

20:40

22 March 2005

Today so funny, my face was so red when I woke up, I wonder why and I just laughted at myself infront of the mirror.

Supposely I should went for the job interview this morning, but Gina was sick. So meet her again this Friday, hopefully I'd found a job soon.

Had been slacking all the way in the afternoon. Watched two movies with my second kor, and we had KFC as lunch... yummy! Haha... felt that we're so lucky...

Gastric kinda pain after finishing my KFC meal. Ai yo, guess it was because I didn't 've a proper 3 meals/daily. Haix... luckily is just a minor pain.

Starts practicing cello from 6pm till 9.30pm, extactly on the dot. Haha, well... tried out the allemande from the suite no 3. Well, is difficult but manage to play a little from the beginning, it sound so melodious, nice piece...

But concentrated mostly on Menute I and II, hopefully manage to solve some minor problems. Really wanted to play it well. Oh yah, I haven't been switching on the light in my room when the skies get darker. Haha, I've memorised... so not even placing the score infront of me. Hoho~~ the advantage of memorising pieces.

Well, kinda piss off when elder kor disturb me in between of my practice. Well, I just detest people to interrupt. So he was asking me to help him to photocopy something and so I did. He comment lotta things and I really gets annoyed by him. Shit! Piss off!

Sigh, SYCO practise gonna stop temporary... guess I'm gonna miss everyone except PC and Jo. Oh dear, I'm just so afraid that I'll slack all the way until you comes back. Haix...

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:18

21 March 2005

Guess today is the last third syco sectional practice that we had. Hm, 7 of us came but Percie left as she's not feeling well. So left the 6 of us and we spent most of the time on practicing Tian Wang and half an hour on solo performance.

I performed first, hm... a lot of problem... haix... me always so problematic de. Hehe...

Quite nervous
Not man enough in the sense of not violent enough
Serious rhythm problem

3 big major problems, gotta get rid of the 1st. Is very serious man, how can I always get so nervous? Haix...

Nah, I really wanted to practice each movement as if I was practicing the prelude with lotta passion! I played all right, but just lack of the music and the passion. Haix... I hope to find my passion back...

Mr Ji told us that he helped Yi Yuan, Xuan Wei, Mu He and Ryan to register for the Hong Kong trip. Congrats! Haha, all the best to you guys!!! Jia you... cheering you people on. =)

Hm, tomorrow gonna meet Gina for a job interview. Hopefully was a successful one. Haha... that's all...

I hope I'll luv myself more

23:59

I got frightened yesterday night! The light on my hp clamshell was gone and I was glad. But, my keypad wasn't working! Oh my god, I gets even more nervous. Well, all I wish now is, everything would be fine pls!

Anyone care to give me some suggestion?

Should I use temporary when it's working well and purchase a new one when spoilt? Should I send for repair or should I grab this chance (when it's functioning properly) to trade in?

If I were to trade in my phone, which new phone should I get? Should I still go for flip phone which I loved or should I go for Nokia? Any recommendation?

Another thing's I gonna find a part time job! If not, any thing happened to my phone, I got no money to purchase a new one! Sigh... both my parents will not care about me. Cuz they don't even care to pay for my internet bill which cost me $57.75/mth. Shit!

Beside, whatever thing(s) I want, I wanna use my own money! I don't wanna use their, cuz if it happens to spoil one day, they'll nag and nag. Whereas when you used your's, you could ask for some peaceful time!

Sigh, this month both my handphone bill and internet bill cost me $93 and I spent almost all my allowance. Haix... now end up gotta dig my piggy bank around $60 I've. Gonna use it and another $30 from my bank. Sob...

I hate myself, I detest myself so much. I wanna do a reflection on what happened last night. I can't tolerate myself for being so rude to everyone at home and also being so disrespectful to my friend.

My reflection

Water leaked into my handphone was my mistake for putting my water bottle together with it. Handphone was working fine just that the light infront of the clamshell keep lighting up. Other than that, there isn't any other problem.

Since it was working fine, why should I be throwing tantrum? Didn't I often told others to be optimistic and not pessimistic? Sigh, so why I am still making my mom to worry about me? And torturing myself by not eating anything for the whole day... ? I'm so famished (spelt correctly?) now

Sigh... why am I so selfish? I'm left speechless...

I hope I'll luv myself more

11:00

20 March 2005

I feel like banging my head into the wall, I'm so dumb! Sob...

My water was closely tight, but I wonder how the water leak out. And it was so forgetful of me to put my hp together with my water bottle. And so the water leaked into my handphone. Sob...

It seems fine, which I think I should be glad. But the light was still on, and it really annoys me a lot. I saw the light, it reminds me that I'm dumb. Occsionally, it hangs and I really feel like throwing it away....

All that I hope that was it stop hanging and the light will get dimmer each min passed. Just hope that it'll be the same as I've bought it.

Sigh... enough of crying...

I hope I'll luv myself more

19:40

E headache is killing me! I can't stand it, I feels so warm even the air con also switched to the lowest degree. Sigh... I'm sweating all over my forehead.

I've discovered that I've been slacking quite a lot nowadays and is time to buck up. I gotta get this thing clear, I won't 've the time to practice much after my school term resume. I don't 've much time to waste now, so please do not slack. I hope this is the last time I'm reminding myself.

Tomorrow gonna be a long day for me, cuz gonna 've CO meeting. *Yawn* is bored man! But guess they're going to discuss about the China trip. And so I'm here to share my thought and point of view...

Frankly speaking, I really wish to go. It's a good chance for me to went oversea to see lotta things around the world. Apart from these, I wish I'll get to know some well-known musician in china, especially cellist. And I hope, my performance has left a good impression on them. Just like what I've did to Mr Yan Long Shi...

Mr Yan Long Shi helped out in one of our performance last year. And he looks highly on us, and he said that we've got the potential. So I musn't give up cello so easily. What he had said, has really motivated me a lot, as well as people around me.

Back to China trip, I might 've the ability to afford myself to China if I find a part time job now. And well, it's a either going for this trip or getting my own personal cello. I hope, I can get some support from my family members, esp my dad. Hopes he's willing to take out some money for me to go for this trip.

Oh well, I'll 've to see and to depend... everything's so unpredictable...

So here goes my schedule for tml...

9am - Shower

9.30 - Preparation

10am - Out of house

10.30 - Grade 5 scales + 3 octaves A, E minor, F, G majors scales

11am - Starts of CP

1pm - Menuet and Gigus

2pm - Starts of Meeting

6pm - See if I'm in the mood to do some shopping

7pm - Shower

7.30pm - Dinner + washing up

8pm - Watching taiwan variety show

11pm - Wash up

11.20pm - Online

12.30am - Light off

I hope I'll luv myself more

00:34

19 March 2005

Had been out almost the whole day, it was so tiring. My junior (CH, MH, JL, JO), junior (PC, Mic, Jas, Eunice, PS and LJ), junior (Si Ya, Terrace, Felicia, Cherly) <-- yes they're the one I'm referring to--> has shown tremendous improvements! Happy for them... now they're waiting for the SYF to be over, but doubt there'll be any cello for them. Cuz Jo's not going to leave BLSSCO too, just like me. Hehe...

Hm, Chong Hwee, I hope he don't leave too, but everything's so unpredicitable. Jie Ling, definitely leaving, so perhaps, there're 2 cellos for Felicia and Cherly. As for Si ya, she can use Zheng Yu cello.

I admit that I'm very thick skinned. Haha... graduate le still went back to BLSSCO. Cuz miss you girls and guys ma! Haha... you ppl also missing me like hell right? Haha...

Haix... well... just wait for me to save enough $ to buy myself a personal cello k? And I'll be returning that cello to school/cc le. K?

I'm so depress now

Head so pain again, guess recently haven't been drinking enough water. Haix... has been very vexed over SYCO HongKong trip.

Well, I'm not going and I've showed no interest in it. But I'm going to say something over here, just hope that people who're interested will just be independent enough and go for it if you're given the chance.

Ryan and MH (if you've decided to apply), I hope that both of you will get in, if not, I rather both of you won't get in. Just don't wanna you people to get jealous over this kind of thingy. K? Really hopes that both of your performance will change the examiner plans. Giving 2 vacancies for cello and bass. Nah, I'll pray hard for both of you.

As for Jo, if you're interested, go ahead and apply for it. Don't hesitate to apply k? Best of luck to you too.

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:26

18 March 2005

Jo, I guess Singapore didn't sell the DVD by Mstislav Rostropovich. Cuz I've been doing research online and couldn't even find one relating to it. Ryan has got the CDs by Casals, Wang Jian and Yo Yo Ma and he's willing to lend it to me on Monday.

So again, I'll get all these ripping into my computer and I'll listen and compare among all these 4 artists (including Janos Starker). Erm, doubt he'll lend me Casals one, cuz he said that it wasn't very good as it was recorded in mono. He strongly recommend Yo Yo Ma and Wang Jian.

Oh yah, btw... he saw the DVD in Korea! Haix... so pathetic man! Doubt I'll manage to get it. Haix...

Tomorrow is time to practice cello crazily. Haha, 've been slacking these few days. Haix... gotta follow on to my schedule damn tight le!

Update

Haix... so bored at home. Manage to practice cello, but doubt is enough for me to do a make up for Wed and Thur. Sigh...

Pearlyn nowadays has become very misbehave. Always screaming for nothing, haix... I hope she behaves like this because she was sick and not she has changed.

Hopefully this month hp bill won't be too expensive. Praying hard... and guess gotta use my pay le, cuz I left with no money at home le. Haix... so pathetic... wish I'd work man! Haix...

Hm, tomorrow gonna play Menuet I, II and Gigus for Mr Ji if he asked same on Monday.

I hope I'll luv myself more

02:14

17 March 2005

Today wake up at 10am to meet Si Yao, mom thought that me going for syco practice. Haha, then I asked if she wanna to tag along since it's her off day.

We went to a house at punggol which has setted up a room in her house for customers to do facial. Haha, I was there to trim my eyebrows... hoho~~ excellent her skills! No regret!

Hm... she said that my skin was very dry and so all will pop up some sort like oil marbles. And also lack of tendency. Haha... learnt something this afternoon. Facial GEL form is suitable for oily skin people and CREAM facial form is suitable for dry skin people. Haha... so I've picked the correct facial from arh...

Girl's ma, she say don't put on make up, cuz nature look looks the best in girls. She said if I wanna put, perhaps some eye liner or eye shadows will do. Foundation absorbs the oil of our skin cum my skin already so dry. Haha... before sleep some softener and moisturizer will be good for my skin. Well, I've all these, but I'm lazy... haha... I'll try

When we're on our way back home, mom wasn't feeling very well, haix... so took cab back home. Shit... $19.60... I'm going to return back to my mom later.

Came back home tell kor that mom not feeling well, end up quarrel. Haix... everything's seems to be my fault.

Haix... wasted one day... didn't practice cello from morning till now... maybe later ba. Haha...

Take care everyone okay?

Update

Hm... just acc my mom to prime market to buy something. I paid for it, $30.50. Haha... nvm... once in a blue moon.

Percie, you dont' be sad le, cheer up. Tml is ur birthday... and I own u a gift... I promise. K? Cuz not feeling well to do any shopping for your birthday gift. U take care...

I hope I'll luv myself more

16:48

16 March 2005

Yesterday turn in pretty late, head was so heavy and pain, feel so torturing.

When I was half asleep, my throat was so dry and pain too. Sigh, guess I've not been drinking enough water, lip is cracking.

Well, feeling sick... hopefully 'll recover soon.

How nice of Jo's dad to buy her the J.S Bach Suite for Solo Cello by Janos Starker. Felt so envious of her as she share the same interests as her dad.

Haven't listen to it yet, as I'm ripping it into my computer. Haha... then see when I'll get the CD-RW to rip into it. And so I saved up the money. =)

But still I wanna a CD/DVD by Mstislav Rostropovich, perhaps not so soon. Cuz still 've to pay both my hp and internet bills. Haix... so pathetic...

Guess I miss out something, yesterday during syco sectional practice, double bass instructor said something which is very true. Musician won't 've the day of bankruptcy. You can carry your instrument to any where and you earn even you played on street. Haha... how true... =)

Just some updates...

Sigh, mom had been worrying about elder kor. Haix, he is so insensible. Mom finally become happier after he came back but he's still eveyday out till late home.

Haven't been practicing cello much this afternoon. Only just now practiced an hour in the kitchen! Haha, mom mocked at me and asked why am I practicing in the kitchen. I told her that I've with no where to go, three rooms were taken by everyone!

I've been staying at there for an hour and my shirt is soaked with all my sweats. Ai yo, damn warm even though it's windy outside.

Hm... gastric pain again. Haix... reminds me about those days when I was a kid, often gastric pain. And the most unforgettable one was when I was shopping with mom till half way and sudden black out and squat immediately on the ground. Haha, still can remember how I terrified my mom and she was so worried sick.

Haha...

I hope I'll luv myself more

12:29

15 March 2005

I've been nervous since yesterday, turn in only this morning around 5am and was half awake around 9am. Haha... well, didn't sleep well too.

Actually feel like going back to sleep around 11pm, but I forced myself to wake up and practice cello. Hm, 've been doing some housework before practicing, so was around 11.30pm that I start practicing cello all the way until 4.30pm. Haha, gotta start packing up and prepare for syco sectional practice.

This evening was kinda special, we've our practice together with the double bass students and also their instructor. Haha...

Mu He, Ryan,Brian and Jo performed infront of everyone of us whereas, Percie, Audrey, Elgin and I performed in our own group. Haha...

Mu He played extremely well, feeling so relaxing man! Haha... felt so envious of him. Ryan played well, but he did say that he wasn't familiar with it. Well, nvm... practice harder and I'm sure you gonna play better that this time, u're just nervous. Brian was so engrossed in his playing. Intonation are very much in precise but that changing of fingerings placeship wasn't so secured. Otherwise, very much is in control. Haha... Jo very well played, just that the tempo have to be quicker and final chords have to practice more.

Audrey, improved a lot as compare to last week of her performance. Some part near end, was very clearly played and tempo wasn't so secured. Percie, well done! Is time to practice no 86 worx! Elgin's 've got the good starting for playing the courante. But wasn't familiar for the ending, but is alright... you played well too.

I felt satisfied for playing the allemande for the first 3bars... very much is in control. But until bar 4, I starts to lack of confidence and the tempo for the whole piece wasn't secure at all. Chords weren't very well played either... haix... lack of confidence + passion in playing it. Sigh... my overall was like sucks man!

Sry Mr Ji if I've disappoint you... as I've committed the same old mistakes... haix...

Chong Hwee... count you lucky man! Haix... felt so envious of you man!

Btw, I'm so regret for not playing the menuet. Haix... stupid me. Haix...

I hope I'll luv myself more

01:06

14 March 2005

Today slept till 1pm when see yao phoned me. Then we've a chat till around 3pm when my handphone low batt. Haha... what a lousy phone I've got.

Didn't wanna practice cello at first, but think I shall not waste any more time. So went to practice till 4.35pm. Not enough time for me to practice as I'm going for syco sectional practise.

Received a call from Xuan Wei around 5pm, haha... he asked me to bring him there. Well, so I did. It was kinda rush for me, as I haven't 've my dinner at that time. But still manage to grab some bites. Hehe... glad...

Then meet Jo at my house void deck and so we saw my grandpa. Haha, 've been quite a long time since I last saw him during new year eve. Haha... he asked me is Jo a malay or a chinese? Haha...

Erm... meet Xuan Wei at his house void deck and we took 193 to JP. So today everyone were punctual? Haha... we reached the SCH kinda early. But what surprised me was Ryan and Audrey. They were earlier than us! Haha...

I was telling Ryan that he was early! Haha... he replied back with "To grab to best seat". Haha... wa liao... I'll make sure that I'm earlier than you the next combine practice.

Combine practice was alright today... just some confuse part behind the... *forgotten which movement of the north, south, east, west le... * Haha...

Hm... gastric kinda pain during combine... haix... what's wrong? But feeling much better now. So going to 've a wash up now and turn in. Haha... tired... sleepy...

Am I too petty?

Something disappoint me yesterday night, he apologised but I didn't reply back. I saw him this evening, I was detesting him so much. Am I too petty? Sigh... beside him, I detest someone else too. Oh well, I hope I didn't accuse that person. I'm sorry if I've.

Something I've left out...

When syco combine practice was about to end, Mr Quek seems so furious with the drum players? Haix... first time saw him so fierce worx... scared. Haha...

And yah, tomorrow I'm gonna be dead if I didn't practice well for the allemande... haix... pray hard for me. Will you? My angel...

I hope I'll luv myself more

23:48

13 March 2005

By right this morning I should go for combine practice, but end up I overslept. Haha... and so sorry for letting Jo to wait for me at the bus stop. Hehe...

Erm, count myself luckly? Not much they've practiced this morning. Haha... luckily didn't waste my transport fares... *winks*

Dad went back to M'sia again, no ones but lunch for us. But luckily elder kor knows how to cook porridge, so we've that with some cans food as lunch.

Hm... it had been a long time I've not been eating porridge. But I still don't like eating it. Haha, when will I loves porridge? When I'm sick? Haha...

Oh well, stop talking crap... sorry...

Oh yah, two brothers at home... I've no room to practice cello. Shit...!!!

I hope I'll luv myself more

12:57

Today was an hour late for sectional practice, but don't think he cares since the time I reach still 've 4 more hours to go.

Yan yu, I hate her so much. She was kinda rude... came into the classrm and asked her students to come in. Mind you, that room is meant for cello students de lor! Or at least you should 've asked if you could 've the room. Haix... so furious when mention about it

Mr Ji came in pretty early this afternoon(usu he came in when the practice is about to end). And stayed the for quite long. Ai yo, my performance was like sucks!

All Yiyuan problems stated on the scores were my problems too. Haix... played so many times of the Allemnade still play still so lousy... even Mr Ji almost vomit blood. Basically not much problem, but lack of the music. Haix... when will I find my passion back? Jo (Mr Ji) , you'll 've to be my good good cello teacher for these few days okay? Gotta help me out

Cournate was more like sucks, not familiar at all. Haix... this time round Mr Ji feel like throwing out all his body organs... haix... sickening me...

Haix... maybe I lack of confident and not passion ba... haix... feeling so so so... (also don't know how am I feeling now... ) Haix...

I hope I'll luv myself more

00:40

12 March 2005

Although we have been together for just one year, but you have bought to me a lot of unforgettable memories that already makes me feel contended.

My six sense told me that you have been admiring me for a long time, if I'm not wrong since end of 2002. But I wasn't sure what took you so long to tell me that you like me.

The first time I sense that you like me is the New Year Eve time. We were having a walk and after which we took a cab home. When I was paying the cab fare, you holded my hands and say no need. I can't describe how I actually feels that time.

The second time 'll be the time that you treat me eat BENG EE. That time my cousin was there too, she saw you treating me so nice and she was like hinting me that you like me. But I don't really think so cuz I'm too open that time. But what she said was right.

When I promise you to give you a chance, you seems to be quite happy about it. But you refuse to let others know about the relationship between you and me. I wonder why? I really don't understand you.

In between of the relationship, I don't really feel like we're steadying. We don't talk through phone but sms. Sometime, you even sleep earlier than me, but I can't blame you for that. The relationship gives me a kind of feeling whereby I'm a guy and you're a gal. I'm treating you so nice but sometime, I don't feel that you're nice to me. The only time that you treat me nicely 'll be the time whereby we went to audition that day. And that day's I'll never forget about it.

But I can't deny that I don't feel happy when I was with you. But once again, it's not everytime that I feels the same way.

The day we broke off, I was hoping that we can be friend. But I didn't things doesn't seems to appear as what I wish. You kept on avoiding me and I hates it so much. I can't figure out why can't we be friend.

I can sense that you still like me after we broke off. Bcuz your eyes had betrayed you the moment you look at me. But slowly, you start to forget about me. And that's what I want, and I want to be friend with you again. Hope you can understand...

You might think that I'm playing you, but I dare to say, I'm not. There was once a moment of time that I truly loves you.

*It was saved as draft during Jun 2004... *

I hope I'll luv myself more

15:49

11 March 2005

I've been sleeping for 13hrs but still feeling so sleepy. The lesser I sleep the more energetic I felt and the more I sleep the more I felt tired. Haix...

Have been practicing cello and I keep my promise. I realised something this afternoon, 1hr is not enough for me to practice scales. Shall I extend the duration?

Ex piece was like sucks! Guess I've not been practicing for a long time, tempo slow down damn lots. Haix...

Slight improvement for Allemnade, which motivated me to practise more. Haha, guess I must 've been listening to too many times of the sample music. Well... no comments. =p

Went to comics webby and discover that Love for venus 8 is gonna be published on 15 Mar. Haix... haven't bought 7 yet 8 is already out. Haix... so sickening. Any suggestion? Should I buy both? But I've already spent quite a lot of money this month. So should I?

There's this cheesecake sold at Bugis (Cheesecake studio on the back street, TIO GLUTON) taste so delicious. They used pure cheese to make the cake, it was really nice. Try it out friends! Whoever birthday's coming, I'm gonna get that for you! Fortunate man! Is really nice...

Thanks for your treat... =) Hah! I'm loving cheese... =p

Oh dear!

Oh dear, my god! Sigh, my sis just told me that second kor is about to be stacked. Haix... that means, in a few days time. Haix... he still own me money man! Haix... so regret for asking him to pay me back slowly. I got reason de, cuz I scare I spend the money ma. Haix... nv knew that he'll be stacked. Haix...

Dad and mom gonna be headache to see all of us at home. Elder kor working part time, one day only $40... not a stable job. Then me at home practicing cello everyday, never work. Where can? Haix... all because of the stupid syco practices. Haix... then now second kor... shit! He still own everyone of us in total of $1000+ ley. Haix...

I scare of nothing, but I scare that he at home keep on play computer then the monthly bill expensive man! The more worse, I scare he gamble soccer matches again! Haix... feeling so vexed...

I hope I'll luv myself more

18:24

10 March 2005

Brother didn't switch off tv before going to bed again, luckily I woke up and switch it off for him. If dad's aware about this, he's going to nag again! My god...

Was half awake around 6am and only get out of bed around 8am. I tried to sleep again, but I can't. Hopefully tonight can turn in earlier.

Wanna practice cello early in the morning, but scare disturb my brother and his gf. So went to read some idoms... headache man, long time didn't read books le. Haha...

Love for Venus 7 is out, but I've no money to buy. Guess what? I've already spend $70.85 for this month. Haix... and also not forgetting my internet and handphone bill. Haix... so guess buying volumn 7 and 8 together the next month ba. Haix...

I mention about Mr Ji wanting us to perform solo during the coming syco sectional practice right? So here I'm to self-console myself.

My angel...

When you're giving the chance to perform, then do your best. There'll be improvements only when there're comments given. So no fear... Remember this, everyone of us has our own good points to let others to learn... ... ...

Update

I realise something, 5hrs of practice wasn't enough for me to practice all scales, exercise pieces and also not forgetting Bach suites...

Have I focus too much time on Bach suiten and neglected my scales and exercise pieces? Oh no, hopefully I'm thinking too much. Why, if I'm not, then I couldn't dare to think that I really 've been concentrating on Bach suiten for 5hours this afternoon yet still doesn't have the passion in playing it. Shit...

From tomorrow onwards, I'm going to extend my practice time of scales from 45mins to an hour! Gonna resist till end of this month, just to do a make up for last few weeks. And is my promise again, w/o practicing an hour of exercise pieces, I musn't practice Bach suiten.

When practicing Bach suiten, practice phrase by phrase and not the whole of the piece. Is a waste of time! K? I shall not wasn't any more time le.

5hrs of practice yet still in this kind of situation is really embarrassing...

I hope I'll luv myself more

18:28

09 March 2005

I break my promise, I didn't practice cello from 9am-4pm cuz I overslept this morning. Sigh... can't help. But I did practice immediately after my wash up, so was from 11.30pm to 4.30? Hm... 5hrs of practice is still not enough for me to make a make up for last week, so gotta practice more le.

We started off our sectional practice this evening in practicing scales. Sigh... my C major sucks! Esp 8 notes in one bow cum the stupid tempo that he given us. Haha... slacked my scales the most. Haix... exercise pieces too... gotta practice tomorrow morning.

Xuan Wei 've his solo perform for us, haha... nice! But he's too implusive, gotta take note of your tempo. Follow by Audrey, she's nervous! Haha... guess everyone can tell. She kinda give me a kind of feeling that she don't wish to perform but since she's requested to do so, she played a rough one... haha... cannot like that man! Hm... Mu He... nice sia! But the tempo can't be so freedom right? Haha... nice anyway... I enjoy it a lot.

Sigh, next week 'll be our turn. Shit! Sickening... I enjoy their playing and not mine. Beside, I definitely won't play still good when there're so many people watching me. Esp all those expertises... haix... not used to it. Sad...

Wondering which movement should I play, Mr Ji asked but I said don't know. Haix... stupid me. End up ask me to play the second movement which I hated most. Haix... can't help... gotta play with more passion and feeling... well... just not sure how it really flows...

Forget it...

I hope I'll luv myself more

23:37

08 March 2005

Overslept this afternoon, not realizing that it's already 12pm plus yet I'm still on my bed sleeping. Sigh... kinda back to my old lifestyle. Haix... I detest it!!!

So Agnes was there waiting for me, luckily I didn't make her wait for me for too long. We went to pioneer mall, she's interviewing for part-time jobs. Hopefully she manage to get one she desire. After which, we also make a trip down to IMM. She did some interviews and it seems like things doesn't look too optimistic for her.

Went to Jurong Point and we bought nothing, wondering why am I there with her. Haix... wasted my own transport fare and my time. Oh yah, I saw something that I really wish to 've. Haha... is Pierre Cardin Wallet. Well, it looks normal, but I loves the outter appreance of the wallet and also the brand. It simply adores me. Wish I could have one. But! An expertise once said before "If you really liked and wanted a thing, come back 3 years later to see if you still like it." Haha... how true... so I'm not going to 've it. It cost $74.70 after 10% discount. =)

Reached home around 5pm, didn't practice cello as my niece is coming back, gotta help mom to look after her. All the way until 8pm when she has fallen asleep. Shared some problems with mom, feel better. Then accompanied her to GP...

After coming back, 've been watching tv programmes... wa liao... slack all the way. Shit! I'll make sure that I wake up 9 in the morning to practice cello! From 9 to 4, is a promise!

Is time for shower and 've an early sleep.

Update

Kinda funny just now...

When I was about to walk back to my room, I turned behind and told my second kor that I don't wanna talk to him in a childish tone. Then he smiled and ask me why in a curious tone. I told him that "I'm aware that you're in foul mood". He explained with me and shared a lot of things with me. Just hope that he felt better now.

In between, he did say something that I think it's absurb. But I didn't talk back to him, and neither did I make some comments. Just saying something that I know I won't made him angry. Haix... everyone's feeling so down now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for everyone.

Mom accidentally cuts her finger this afternoon, haix... heart ache...

Haix... feeling so useless staying at home. All because of the syco practices and co practices that made me in such a situation. Can't look for any part time job at all.

Angel's speaking

Well, all I wished now is to go back to school. I really those time... waking up early in the morning, going school with friends and paying attention in class. No homework but lots of project work, lesson ends late and reach home with the whole body aching... I really miss those time!!!

Just can't wait going back to school... I miss my textbooks and miss doing revision. Hopefully 20 June will come soon...

Devil's speaking

Don't be regret once school resume... Muhahahaha....

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:25

07 March 2005

Today meet Gina to take my cert also do the registration for higher NITEC. Hm... opted for Accounting, Administrative, Business IT and lastly Logistic...

Well... frankly speaking, other than Accounts and Admin, I'm not interested in the other 2 courses available for me. But I just wanna study if I'm given a chance to.

Hm... during the bus journey to school, feel like vomitting. Shit, long time didn't take such a long distance bus le. Then I was like praying to reach the school soon, just in case I wanna vomit.

Reached there, Gina haven't reach yet. Then I was like walking here and there cuz was feeling terrible... Suddenly wanna vomit le, then throw it out on the drain. Hopefully no ones saw it... hehe...

Hm... reach home le, and 've a rest just now. Feeling slightly better now, sigh... no appetite to eat anything. Sianz...

Called Jasmine to check how's she doing. She's going down to simei to appeal cuz she only gets 2.7 for her GPA... Haix... to be safe, it should be 2.8. So she went down there with yun and xiao slack.

Erm... I pray that all of us (Jasmine, Pei Zhen, Gina, Teng Ying, Jun Lan, Mummy --> Leng Yee, Shirley, Jasmine Yen will be in the same school and in the same class again lol). As for the rest, esp my god-daughters in class, I really hope that they can be in the same school as us too. But if they can't get into Accounting, then choose other courses lor. Grab the opportunity that comes along your way...

Haix... kinda worry about them... esp those people has a lot of potential in studying but they choose to slack all the way. Just hope that they'll be regret and will cherish the chance (if they're given) to study hard.

Well, had been sick for 3 weeks... slacked nearly 2 weeks. Haix... guess is time for me to practice cello le... if not I really cannot catch up le...

Don't slack, don't slack... I'll be regret if i slack...

I hope I'll luv myself more

12:49

04 March 2005

Sob sob... haix... think I'm not going to help my sis to look after her niece le. [Erm, I mean not wking as a babysister any more] Cuz her daughter don't wanna me, wanna her granny. So feel guilty to take her money. But if I'm free, I'll still help to look after her. That's mean, I'll have to find a job now!

Hm... second movement of suite no 1 was really damn annoying. I could memorize it, but just lack of the passion in playing it. Doesn't know how should it flows... shit! Scare Mr Ji might be disappointed with my performance ley. Haix... how? Anyone there to help me out? Haix...

Tomorrow practice starts at 11am, shit damn early. Scare I couldn't wake up... anyone care to wake me up? Haha...

Erm... my NITEC cert haven't collect yet. How? Jialat... then my pay also haven't go and take. Think tomorrow I'm going to take my pay ba... haix... Monday go and take my cert alone. So lonely... pathetic man! Haix...

Please do not slack!

Yesterday Pearlyn didn't went back home, stay over here. Cuz she was fast asleep at around 7pm so mom don't wanna jie to wake her up just to bring her back home.

Then she woke up at 6am, I woke up too cuz my mom was talking to her damn loud. Shit! Haix... then my teeth very painful, wondering why. Cannot sleep, lie down on the bed for hours till 8am then woke up. Sickening, back ache. Haix... old le.

Hm, tell mom that my teeth pain, then she gave me medicine, better now. Glad.

Watch tv programme till 9am, then went in to wake both of my kor up, but they still sleeping like a dead person. Haix... that's why they're my piggies kors. Cannot stand.

Hm... then me also tired, sleepy. Went to mom's room to sleep, cuz bigger bed can roll here and there also won't fall. Whereas my own bed, flip here and there sometimes also will fall down. Haix...

Ai yo, sleep until 2pm when mom came back from work. Then she nagged at me. But what to do. I really wanna a job but because of the stupid syco practices, I can't work. Haix... so pathetic.

Just felt that I'm so so so useless...

Why?

Good question.

I haven't been sitting down in the room to practice cello for hours since last week! That's totally unexceptable! Shit! Sickening me... haix... just detest myself to slack at this point of time.

Please do not slack!

I hope I'll luv myself more

16:00

03 March 2005

Just woke up, haha... yesterday turn in at 4am plus. *Tired*

Life at home was better than schooling. My pocket money seems to be increasing by a lot. Wondering what has happened to dad. Everyday $10/$5...

Whereas when I was still schooling, my pocket money the maximum is only $5. Which I think is totally not enough for me. And only Sunday when I was out of CO, I'll have $10.

Hm... guess I must talk with dad about it. Everyday I'm at home, guess $5 will do (including I'm going for syco practices at night). And Sunday if he's willing to give me $10, then I shall take ba.

When school resume, I think I shall request for at least $7/day. If not, doubt will be enough for me. Well, unless I don't eat my lunch etc... but still I need some saving. So $7 ain't much.

Going to 've a shower and then go and take my pay. Think will be going to JP to bank in my money ba. Haha... then hope to get back home soon cuz I wanna practice cello. If not Sat jialat. Then around evening, gotta go and bring Pearlyn back home and look after her. That's all.

K... going off, no more time to be wasted.

Tata

I hope I'll luv myself more

12:41

01 March 2005

The night before yesterday, didn't have a good sleep. So yesterday came back from SYCO practice, I was dead beat that I don't even bother to charge my handphone. I was death to the world.

I dreamt of Mr Ji, he said that I didn't practice much recently. If I wasn't wrong, think I replied back to him that I wasn't feeling well when he's having cup of mineral water. Well, just get frightened...

Oh yah, yesterday syco practice was kinda alright. Finally manage to catch up everything, just sometimes a little lost. Hm... 've such an improvement was because I'm used to the way Mr Quek conduct? Haha, whatever it's, just hope to do well for other pieces too.

Yesterday was the release of "O" level results. Couple of my friends did well in it, but still weren't satisfied with their results, werid? Well, don't expect much. If you think you didn't try your best, then the upcoming tests, give your best and do well in it. Right?

As for those who failed their English or Math, I felt very sorry. But that doesn't mean is the end right? You've many ways out there, just gives yourself some time to think, to analyse what's your next move... no point crying any more.

People taking "O" this year, gotta work hard le. Jia you...

Is time to practice cello le, later at night still 've to help mic tune her cello at her house. Then still 've to look after Pearlyn... haix... tired...

Update

Shit, thought today's Wednesday. So didn't practice cello for long. In reality, today is only Tuesday and tomorrow still 've syco sectional practice. Haix... how?

Later 8pm gonna practice cello to 9pm to make it 3hrs. Best if second kor come back at 10, so I can practice till 10 to make it 4hrs. Hm... tomorrow going to simei with Kelly. Haix... a little don't feel like going, cuz wanna practice cello. But I wanna see how big extactly it's.

I hope I'll luv myself more

11:28